Disciplining the Digits: A Deadline for Dialing.

Angela Manfredi 2005 ©

Angela ManfrediThe time has come to enact a Statute of Limitations on contacting a datee/boyfriend/fling or other category of relationship participant.

This idea was prompted by a most bewildering experience when I nonchalantly called a guy I'd gone out with less than two weeks earlier. Let's just say he did not answer his own phone and I now have a degree in Spanish expletives, courtesy of the woman he was having dinner with.

Now, as both perpetrator and victim of "U-CAD" (Unlawful Contact after Dating), I propose a penal code that explains and enforces the timeline for communicating with those from the active, inactive, and somewhere-in-between files.

Guys:

- You must notify all former wives, girlfriends, heavy- rotation dates, light-duty dates, and fiancées, (collectively referred to by men as "acquaintances"), in writing (girl-time immediately) about new recruits.

- You are prohibited from crumbling into a heap of spineless, disrespectful, insensitive idiot if there happens to be a breach and one woman calls while you're in the presence of another.

Girls:

- Your notification responsibilities will probably be more like: "I haven't heard from you in over a month, it's 3 in the morning, you're drunk, and you're not coming over!"

- The 8 - day deadline applies. If he has not communicated with you on purpose in more than a week (Group email jokes and his cell phone dialing yours by accident do not count), you are forbidden from calling him, text-messaging him, or heading to one of his hang- outs to return a T-shirt. (He's got plenty more of those, too.)

Failure to comply with the "U-CAD" Statute of Limitations and/or violation of "IYCE" (Invest Your Curiosity Elsewhere) will result in a humiliating brush-off and digestive issues from consuming a consolation package of Oreos.

Please help institute this important policy by contacting your local legislator, unless, of course, you dated him and he hasn't called in a while.