Guy Gone Missing

Angela Manfredi 2005 ©

Angela ManfrediHave you seen this man? He’s 6’, slender, brown hair, blue eyes, ruggedly handsome, drives a late-model Acura. He works in finance, has no visible tattoos or piercings, has an affinity for spicy Mexican food. He was last spotted enjoying post - dinner cocktails at Blue Martini with a ravishing brunette. (Well, that was my hair color last week, anyway.)

If you have encountered this person or know his whereabouts, please contact me or one of my posse immediately. Do not approach him. He is armed with a killer smile and has been known to charm his way out of custody.

This man, alias: Artful Dodger, is wanted on several charges including: Failure to call after a series of incredible dates; being funny, gallant and engaging with no intention of follow-through; and the worst transgression of all: The Bait and Switch. This is when the guy appears to be available, but he’s really not. Or, you think he’s dealt with his relationship idiosyncrasies only to find out that he’s got more baggage issues than U.S. Air. And, of course, you don’t realize this until you are reeled in, hook, line and stinker. By then it’s too late, because you’ve already decided that you like him. Drat!

So, what we are talking about here, ladies, is a phenomenon known as Guy Gone Missing. One minute he’s there: attentive, affectionate, alluding to future plans. The next, he disappears. Drops right off the radar.

No voice mail, no email, no carrier pigeon, no smoke signals, no skywriting, no cave wall cuneiform, no trail of bread crumbs, no pony express, no Federal Express, no sticky note, no third party communiqués, no telegrams, no subliminal messages beamed in during the E! True Hollywood Story, no signs strategically placed along the roadside…

What happens to these men? Is there some black hole in the galaxy where they share space with all of the socks that never make it out of the dryer?

After days of wondering, waiting, and reviewing the last date detail by detail with my friends, I can’t seem to pin down the one clue that will blow this case wide open.

We analyze his parting words:

Marcy: “Now, Angela, when he said, ‘”I’ll call you’”, how exactly did he say it?

Dawn: “Which word did he emphasize? The call or the you?”

Sheila: “Was he leaning into you when he said it? How would you describe his body language?”

Annie: “What’s his sign? If he’s a Scorpio, you’re better off.”

I suppose I could post flyers, offer a reward, place a newspaper ad. Or I could gather the girls, visit our favorite dessert shop and put this riddle to rest. You know…I think I’ll opt for the latter, because, while the trail may be cold, so is the ice cream in my Hot Fudge Sundae! And that’s enough to make me forget my reluctant Romeo and declare (albeit with sticky fingers and a head freeze), “Case Closed!”