A Single Woman's Swimsuit Regi-men

Angela Manfredi 2006©

Angela Manfredi To celebrate the onset of spring and the rebirth of all things green and flowery, I visited the namesake of this very special rite of nature: Blooming-dale's. As I ran my fingers over the appliqué posies on the Juicy Couture handbags and stopped to smell the roses infused in the latest celeb-backed scent, I happened upon that other sign of the changing seasons; swimsuits prominently displayed on malnourished mannequins. And so, for those of you who are not Jessica Alba, Jessica Simpson, or Jessica Rabbit and need insight for getting bikini-teeny, I would like to share some of my time-tested (not always successful, but on-going nonetheless) methods to vanquish two-piece panic. I present to you SWEATT: Single Woman's Eating and Training Tactics.

1.) Eat smarter, not Tartar. When ordering the ideal meal of a piece of aquatic protein atop a heaping, healthy salad, replace the glazed salmon with a glazed donut. You're going to eat dessert anyway, so why not circumvent the added calories from the fish.

2.) Resourcefulness beats deprivation. To fend off food-guilt flare-ups, simply insert a fistful of Cheese Doodles into the center of the Choc-o-dile. Technically, you'll be eating only one snack instead of two and you can log that in your food journal accordingly.

3.) Exercise (in futility) is effective. Chasing unavailable men is a proven weight loss method as a result of both the physical strain of dialing the phone over and over and from breaking a hearty sweat strategizing with girlfriends. Conversely, dodging decent, emotionally well-balanced, attainable men who actually want to date us melts off the pounds just as quickly. Both situations require not leaving the house for fear of a.) missing a call from the ones we like, or b.) running into the ones who like us. This means subsisting for weeks on such pantry provisions as a can of Vienna Sausages, Pam cooking spray and gift basket Biscotti from 1997.

Another popular calorie-burning activity on the SWEATT regi-men includes traveling to spend time with a guy you discovered on line, in line, or walking the line. The angst of deciding what to pack, the strenuous lugging of suitcases, the subsequent feverish attempts to change the return flight from next week to TOMORROW! all add up to one big work-out, or as it is known in singles vernacular, the big didn't- work - out.

If the above system does not boost water-wear morale, take a few extra laps around Bloomie's and pick-up a large, loose, flowing cover-up. There's nothing like a muumuu to make us feel less like a moo-moo.

Angela can be reached at: info@angelahiresahusband.com